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Go Back   Naruto Forums > Konoha Sanitation > Konoha Recycling Heap > Outskirts Battledome Archive > Joke Battledome
 
 
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Old 06-27-2009, 08:08 PM   #1
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Default BEAR vs GORILLA

ITT the ULTIMATE FIGHT OF THE CENTURY

ITS A MOTHERFUCKING BEAR VS A GODDAMN GORILLA

WHO WOULD WIN??

THESE ARE THE CONDItIONS

BEAR


The bear is fucking angry, the humans just invaded the forrest and held a fucking picnic right in front of the bear. just when the bear though imma fuck these crackas up and eat their chicken sammiches but then one of the humanz pulls out a 12 gauge motherfucking automatic shotgun and shoots it the fuck empty and pumps the bears cubs full of lead exploding shells. The bear is now enraged cus the cub is dead and the humans are making a break for it. the bear follows but then the humans start their motherfucking 4x4 fucking hummer H2 and chase the FUCKING BEAR! as the bear runs one of the humans trows a FUCKING molotov cocktail at the bear strapped with a fucking grenade! as the explosion rubble clears the bear has lost his eye and some hair, as the humans get out of the H2 they kick the bear in his nuts and drive of in the sunset. The bear follows and uses the mountain path shortcut, he stands infront of the road and the bear crashes into the car. you heared me THE MOTHERFUCKING BEAR CRASHES INTO THE CAR. the fucking car flies apart as the bear pulls out the humans his rips their guts out and bathes in their blood, hungry for more the bear harbors his hate for the humans and every living thing for the rest of his life.





GORILLA



The gorilla is the goddamned king of the motherfucking jungle. he rules 20 bitch gorilla womens that the slaps around when they dont listen to him. then all of a sudden.. BAAM!! 5 fucking smoke/ tear gas grenades explode right under his fucking giant feet. enraged the gorilla battle cries but then BAM motherfucking tranquilizer dart in his gorilla ass. Next thing he knows he wakes up in a motherfucking ZOO as 1000s of humans look at him from behind the glass. as they take pictures of his motherfucking asshole when he walks by the bitch ass zoo keeper comes in and gives him a basket of fucking apples and bananas! as the zoo keeper makes fun of his likeing for bananas the motherfucking giant ape leaps fucking 40 meters through the cage on top of the zoo keeper and fucking throws him trough the double plated bullet proof glass protecting the zoo visitors. as the gorilla runs through the window, people are flying every where as the gorilla makes his way through the croud, smashing pregnant women in the face. As the smoke clears the gorilla has slaughtered over 80% of the zoo visitors and just broke through the main gate, as the gorrilla runs for the hills

he stops and meets the bear, the look at eachother and imidiatly know

that forrest isnt big enough for the both of them


who wins this fight?

both have no prep time

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Old 06-27-2009, 08:13 PM   #2
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A gorilla is more of a bluff animal than a fighting one. But I'm willing to bet a silverback gorilla would fuck up any human stupid enough to actually provoke it.

Anyway, the grizzly bear would beat a gorilla rather easily. A bear is known to smash skulls and break backs with its ridiculous powerful paws with ease.

Even a tiger or a lion would die against a grizzly bear. The only animals I see winning or at least has a chance are: bulls, hippos, rhinos, and elephants. Oh hay, herbivores!


ps. since your conditions aren't concise for my liking, i'm not even going to read it.

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Old 06-27-2009, 08:14 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sengoku View Post
A gorilla is more of a bluff animal than a fighting one. But I'm willing to bet a silverback gorilla would fuck up any human stupid enough to actually provoke it.

Anyway, the grizzly bear would beat a gorilla rather easily. A bear is known to smash skulls and break backs with its ridiculous powerful paws with ease.

Even a tiger or a lion would die against a grizzly bear. The only animals I see winning or at least has a chance are: bulls, hippos, rhinos, and elephants.
nope.

And yes, Bears>any kind of ape, (other than Homo Sapiens of course )

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Old 06-27-2009, 08:16 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by Aokiji View Post
nope.

And yes, Bears>any kind of ape, (other than Homo Sapiens of course )
Depends which bulls I guess? :}
Are you referring to the spanish bulls? I think the bears wrecked them back in the 18? 19? century. I do know that a water buffalo would fuck up a lion 1v1 though.

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Old 06-27-2009, 08:18 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sengoku View Post
Depends which bulls I guess? :}
Are you referring to the spanish bulls? I think the bears wrecked them back in the 18? 19? century. I do know that a water buffalo would fuck up a lion 1v1 though.
Grizzlies>>lions.

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Old 06-27-2009, 08:26 PM   #6
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but the bear is missing one eye and got burned pretty bad

and lets just say for the sake of argument that this is the biggest fucking gorilla ever

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Old 06-27-2009, 08:41 PM   #7
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Thank you for being vague.

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Old 06-27-2009, 08:47 PM   #8
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A Bear would split the Gorilla's skull with one blow.

Quote:
and lets just say for the sake of argument that this is the biggest fucking gorilla ever
you're bringing King Kong into this...?

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Old 06-27-2009, 09:30 PM   #9
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The most epic scenario prologue EVER

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Old 06-27-2009, 09:32 PM   #10
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This is simply the greatest thread of all time.

Oh, and the bear violently rapes the shit outta that punk ass gorilla.

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Old 06-27-2009, 09:41 PM   #11
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The prologue makes interesting use of colorful language.
I'll go with Yogi over donkey kong

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Old 06-27-2009, 09:42 PM   #12
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The bear crushes the gorilla's skull in one quick blow, end of story.

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Old 06-28-2009, 04:28 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sengoku View Post
Thank you for being vague.
first of all im not being vague i told you in the story that the bear lost an eye in a grenade explosion, you should read the OP
Quote:
Originally Posted by Seyta View Post
A Bear would split the Gorilla's skull with one blow.



you're bringing King Kong into this...?
nah man not king kong but a really big fucking gorilla, like just as big as the bear not a pussy 5 year old gorilla but a crazy big one

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Old 06-28-2009, 04:32 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KingOfShippers View Post
The bear crushes the gorilla's skull in one quick blow, end of story.
i find this very hard to belive, i mean gorillas are fucking strong. plus bears wack eachother in the head all the time and their fine.

if the monkey in question was a chimp i would say ok right?

but this is as fucking gorilla, this one will go all ape shit if you look him in the eye

plus the gorilla will out maneuver the bear and maybe most important the gorilla has thumbs

they are also known for using tools, so where the bear is maybe stronger the gorilla is faster and more agile plus hes way smarter

if their known to use tools that would mean hed beat the shit out of the bear with random branches and throw rocks or use them to smash the bear.

also if the gorilla gets on the bears back i think it would turn in to a critical hit

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Old 06-28-2009, 06:32 AM   #15
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Bear rapes his ass. They are one of the most powerfull animals on land. The strongest on land is obviously an elephant.

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Old 06-28-2009, 06:41 AM   #16
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I would love to see a gigantic 20 foot croc against a bear, especially a Polar Bear

As for this thread, Bear has claws

He slashes the gorrila's internal organs out

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Old 06-28-2009, 06:42 AM   #17
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Can't a walrus beat a polar bear?

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Old 06-28-2009, 07:48 AM   #18
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Can't a walrus beat a polar bear?
Maybe, but occansionally Polar Bear do kill weak/baby Walruses from what I heard

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Old 06-28-2009, 09:09 AM   #19
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Bear wins Via Kamehameha

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Old 06-28-2009, 10:33 AM   #20
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If this was posted a year ago, the gorilla turns out to be a certain moderator in disguise wielding a Japanese sword.

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