[♥ Comatose ♥]

Originally Posted by Rouge Angle

^^ It's a very YMMV thing I guess. I think it sounds kinda crude if people use words like cock excessively (every single time it's mentioned being my definition), saying it once or twice I don't really have a problem with. But I don't read that many lengthy sex scenes so...yeah.

I just hate it because it's so abrasive. There's no letter between the "c" and "o" to make it more smooth sounding. "Clock," for example, has the "l" in the front, which gives it a nice slurring sound that disrupts the abruptness of the lack of it.

"Penis" doesn't really bother me, honestly. It's the original word for it, and it's a lot less sharp/harsh sounding.

Originally Posted by Baby Joe

Length sounds odd.

I suppose it does, but there really isn't a large list of words I can pick from. The day I use "cucumber" is the day I die.

Spoiler:

...but I have a problem with writing immaturely. By 'immaturely', I mean like this: "He 'X'ed his 'Y' inside her wet 'Z' and pounded her so hard into the ground that she was tasting the centre of the Earth."

I avoid things like that like the plague. It sounds so tasteless to me.

To quote one of mine;

Spoiler:

"He remembered his body shivering in monumental bliss as tiny gasps mewed from her lips, the friction in between heating the air surrounding them. He found himself diving faster, faster, as her breathing became more frantic, and her nails dug shallow cuts into his back and neck."

As for the romaj, I agree. It's so jarring and annoying, and it takes away from the entire thing. :/

[Dejablue]

Oh lol sex scenes. I know there is like an actual list of authors known for their terrible sex scenes.

[Blazing CobaltX]

Originally Posted by Dejablue

Oh lol sex scenes. I know there is like an actual list of authors known for their terrible sex scenes.

I call wilkins75.

[Tomcat171]

wilkins75
Raptorcloak
SkyMaiden
Mickie-From-Ireland

[Baby Joe]

Originally Posted by Tomcat171

wilkins75
Raptorcloak
SkyMaiden
Mickie-From-Ireland

I've gotta check them out.

[Whirlpool]

Originally Posted by Tomcat171

Mickie-From-Ireland

NaruFemKyuu spam

[FrayedThread]

I might check those out for the lulz

[Whirlpool]

Naruto: Hey man! What's… Shit, what's up again?

Darthemius: …

Naruto: Oh, come on, it can't be that bad, can it?

Darthemius: Wha…? Oh, sorry. No, it's not bad. I just… found out what douchebag is.

Naruto: Oh really? And?

Darthemius: And it was more than I wanted to know…

Naruto: Well, at least you know what it is now. Say, people have been asking when EHD 2 will come out. Can you give any clarification on that?

Darthemius: I can, but I won't. Now let's…

Naruto: Hey, man…

Darthemius: What?

Naruto: Am I seeing things or what? Look there.

Darthemius (Turning his head): What the fuck?

Neo (Appearing out of nowhere): I'm in.

Darthemius: Yeah, you're in some deep shit if you won't tell who you fucking are and how you got in here!

Neo: Oh, I'm sorry. My name is Neo… Was anyone looking for me?

Tree seconds of silence…

Darthemius: Get this bitch!

Naruto: On it! (Slamming Neo through the wall)

Darthemius: Shit, my wall… Still it was worth it.

Anyway, I wanted to thank all the people who took their time to explain to me what douchebag is. And you know, I really feel proud right now. Why? Well, it's because someone actually defended me against a bad reviewer.

By the way, don't mind that girl. Yeah, a person by the name Kakashifan… something is a girl that just doesn't appreciates dark stories.

But enough about her, I wanted to talk about everyone who spoke in this story's defense. I really appreciate it, people.

And Alex Mercer… If you're reading this of course… I'm really glad that you were defending me with such passion, but… Could you please type my name correctly next time? Thank you.

Anyway, here's your fucking chapter. Enjoy…

That's the introduction fpr his new chapter

[Rouge Angle]

^ The hell is that? Some kind of Naruto/Matrix/other-thing-that-I-don't-know crossover?

Also:

Originally Posted by Whirlpool

Neo: Oh, I'm sorry. My name is Neo… Was anyone looking for me?

For some reason that really got me.

[Tomcat171]

Originally Posted by Baby Joe

I've gotta check them out.

wilkins: Pff

Raptor: Doesn't know how to use commas, writes the same scene for just about every different fic and in the form of IKEA Erotica.

SkyMaiden: Sure, writes an abundance of NI lemons, but they're constructed of almost entirely single sentence-paragraphs and ridiculous AU situations.

Mikie: Obsessed with NaruFemKyuu.

In general: It's between and

One of the examples from the fan fiction section of the IKEA Erotica page goes like this:

legolas by laura: "and then one of the orcs striped her and then he raped her and then laura said 'go away you bastard'."

That's more like IKEA writing. It could just as easily been "and then she stabed the orc and he fel on the floor and then she ran away."

[FrayedThread]

That's on the same level of what my younger sister can come up with.
Poor girl needs a tutor

I don't want to think about smut that those authors (If you can even call them that ) must write.

The randomly placed Japanese words are also very irritating.
Things like "dobe" and "teme" are okay with me because they're more like nicknames for the characters but "baka" and the like just hurts my brain.

[Kakashifan727]

Originally Posted by Whirlpool

Naruto: Hey man! What's… Shit, what's up again?

Darthemius: …

Naruto: Oh, come on, it can't be that bad, can it?

Darthemius: Wha…? Oh, sorry. No, it's not bad. I just… found out what douchebag is.

Naruto: Oh really? And?

Darthemius: And it was more than I wanted to know…

Naruto: Well, at least you know what it is now. Say, people have been asking when EHD 2 will come out. Can you give any clarification on that?

Darthemius: I can, but I won't. Now let's…

Naruto: Hey, man…

Darthemius: What?

Naruto: Am I seeing things or what? Look there.

Darthemius (Turning his head): What the fuck?

Neo (Appearing out of nowhere): I'm in.

Darthemius: Yeah, you're in some deep shit if you won't tell who you fucking are and how you got in here!

Neo: Oh, I'm sorry. My name is Neo… Was anyone looking for me?

Tree seconds of silence…

Darthemius: Get this bitch!

Naruto: On it! (Slamming Neo through the wall)

Darthemius: Shit, my wall… Still it was worth it.

Anyway, I wanted to thank all the people who took their time to explain to me what douchebag is. And you know, I really feel proud right now. Why? Well, it's because someone actually defended me against a bad reviewer.

By the way, don't mind that girl. Yeah, a person by the name Kakashifan… something is a girl that just doesn't appreciates dark stories.

But enough about her, I wanted to talk about everyone who spoke in this story's defense. I really appreciate it, people.

And Alex Mercer… If you're reading this of course… I'm really glad that you were defending me with such passion, but… Could you please type my name correctly next time? Thank you.

Anyway, here's your fucking chapter. Enjoy…

That's the introduction fpr his new chapter

Okay, apparently when he said he'd let bygones be bygones, that meant do this,eh? Time to rip him a new one~ *cracks knuckles* Anyone else interested, PM me so we don't interrupt the thread.

As for the romanji thing, I don't find "Oi" as big deal. I mean, it's not that different from "Oy" Oh", to bother me.

LLOLOLOLLOLLLL~

Someone tried to defend this tard:

Spoiler:

To kakashifan 727- are you fucking crazy you think every auther write like canon you biggest pile of motherfucking monkey crap you are a guy who dont even have a reveiw over 200 dont even have rite to coment other.this guys story is far more better storys then your and ALEX MEANS FAR MORE.i spend days sarch a story ilke this and you come out from nowere and says that all authars are need to write like canon what the fuck.this is fanfic for some reson you fucking shit.people writing storys beacouse they annoyed by lame plot or inspire by a great plot.readin storys here more intresting then reading manga.this guy have more review beacouse this guys story millions time good then yours so next time before coment others first you look over your amount of review.i says always an i say now YOUR STORY IS FUCKING BEST DIRTHMINUS SAMA.

[Rouge Angle]

Originally Posted by Itachifan727

LLOLOLOLLOLLLL~

Someone tried to defend this tard:

Spoiler:

To kakashifan 727- are you fucking crazy you think every auther write like canon you biggest pile of motherfucking monkey crap you are a guy who dont even have a reveiw over 200 dont even have rite to coment other.this guys story is far more better storys then your and ALEX MEANS FAR MORE.i spend days sarch a story ilke this and you come out from nowere and says that all authars are need to write like canon what the fuck.this is fanfic for some reson you fucking shit.people writing storys beacouse they annoyed by lame plot or inspire by a great plot.readin storys here more intresting then reading manga.this guy have more review beacouse this guys story millions time good then yours so next time before coment others first you look over your amount of review.i says always an i say now YOUR STORY IS FUCKING BEST DIRTHMINUS SAMA.

I...what? There is so much fail under that tag I don't even know where to begin.

[AngstToThePeople]

My pet peeve huh...? I'll tell you what my pet peeve is...

NARUKO/FEM!NARU USED AS AN UNDERCOVER SELF-INSERT.

I can't stand people who do this. Do you want to write a Sasuke or Kakashi or whoever else x You story? Have the courage to write it for what it is! Create an OC, even a Mary Sue, and admit that what you are doing is self-inserting. If you write well, some people might like it, because, after all, some people DO like Canon X OC stories, if they are good.

Destroying a canon character, especially the damn protagonist, in order to use them as a vessel for your self-insertion is cruel, destructive, disrespectful, arrogant and just plain wrong.

[Kakashifan727]

Originally Posted by Rouge Angle

I...what? There is so much fail under that tag I don't even know where to begin.

Again, let's discuss this over PM so don't derail the topic; If anyone else wishes to respond to this or the earlier posts, just PM me here or Ff.net.

Exactly, and the author praised them for their "stalwart defense". This is my review though, and going over it I admit I must've had a BAD day when writing it. I sound like such an OOC douche you think someone hacked my account, I honestly don't rev much. That day I exploded though.

Spoiler:

Oh, I'll gladly tell you what I think of this abomination. Sadly, I couldn't get past the first two sentences (not including the author's note I just skipped) let alone the first chapter. From what I read, your grammar needs work. Also, the way you write the dialogue is just...no. No, no, no. Naruto is NOT a sadistic killer/emo kid. He can be a little angry at his situation (which does not include beatings/stabbings/ rapes or anything of the sort other than the occasional cold stare or back handed comment from a couple villagers) but he doesn't show this to people too often, he sticks it out and keeps going.

Hell, I don't even know who this guy is; cause he surely isn't Naruto from Kishimoto's series at all. He must be some wannabe look alike that goes around calling himself that, because if the real Naruto saw him, he'd beat some sense into him almost as quick as he'd do it to Sasuke. I think you need to get rid of this story and try again, preferably after reading some GOOD fiction. You know, like the ACTUAL MANGA. Hell, I'd even be a beta, just think about you're posting on here for a minute.

I bet you see certain fics, and end up going "WTF is this? Please someone get rid of it! Why does it have so many reviews when it obviously needs to be worked on!" Guess what? That's what 95% of the fandom does with this fic, myself included. You obviously are going by this point "But I have 765 reviews! My fic isn't bad at all, you flamer!" Sadly,if you search Ff.net you WILL find many and I mean MANY authors/fics who use the same type of plot and setting as you, with just as many reviews. You need to come up with something ORIGINAL, which honestly isn't that hard, if you can find the right inspiration. Take a break for a couple weeks, watch some anime, read some books, and the Naruto MANGA then try writing again. You'll probably have better ideas this time.

The other 5% obviously cannot separate QUALITY from QUANTITY, so desperate to get a dose of fanfiction they are. These people review with little as no constructive criticism. That's because...well, look at their story lists'; They have never tried writing a fanfiction before, and half of the things on their lists are the trash of the trash on FF.net. I'm surprised you have as many reviews as you do, but then again this IS Ff.net... Anyways, it probably sounds mean but you should take my advice, but I'm trying to be harsh for a reason. coddling people gets nothing across to them, or that's what I've learned.

Seriously, do it for your own good and the good of us who just want some respectable fics left in the Naruto community which has become filled with such tripe it's unbelievable. Just do us a favor and go do some research on Naruto/ fan fiction tropes/things to avoid.

[AngstToThePeople]

Your review made me very happy. Bluntness can be a beautiful thing.

[Kakashifan727]

Still, the main reason why I don't do KakashiXOC, and trust me I have ideas to fill a page or two, is just cause not many people like it. I usually post it on these forums for better reception than on ff.net; did the reverse and got nothing lol.

[Tomcat171]

Originally Posted by Itachifan727

Again, let's discuss this over PM so don't derail the topic; If anyone else wishes to respond to this or the earlier posts, just PM me here or Ff.net.

Just shove his fic into the 'Trashpile' community and do a write-up of it on the forum. I'll back you up with my alt. account.

[AngstToThePeople]

Originally Posted by Tomcat171

Just shove his fic into the 'Trashpile' community and do a write-up of it on the forum. I'll back you up with my alt. account.

I fully approve of this way of handling the issue. If my contribution is needed anywhere, my ff.net is Lydia-Kitten.

[Kakashifan727]

Fine, that'll be easier and less damaging to my mental health.